More Random Thoughts About Mama

Today it is one year since Mama passed away. Time goes by so quickly! Time, as we know it, has ceased to be for her, and she is experiencing what glory is like!

I've been thinking lately about how hard it must have been for Mama after Daddy died. How do you adjust to losing someone who has been your companion for over 50 years? I wish now that I had been more supportive to her, but I guess I was lost in my own grief. The last few years before Daddy passed on, he was very ill, and Mama cared for him here in their little home. She was with him here when he had his final episode.

I've been remembering how she used to sew for us. Being a tom-boy, I didn't fully appreciate the dresses she made for me, but when I was in high school, wool plaid slacks were the rage(??), and she made me two pairs - blue and red. I can still see her frantically finishing up the red pair so I could wear them to a basketball game!

Others have been thinking of Mama too. The other day my neighbor lady came to the front door with a ziploc bag of home made cookies. She said they were Mama's recipe - "a cup of everything." I thanked her, and as she was leaving, she said "They probably aren't as good as hers. She always brought me cookies."

Good news these days isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be, because she isn't here to share it with. I like to think that she knows anyway, and is just as pleased as she would be if she were here! We'll always miss you Mama, no matter how much time goes by!

I've posted the lyrics to one of Mama's favorite songs. In them we find the source of her strength and deep faith.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, oh, what words I hear Him say!

Happy place! So near, so precious! May it find me there each day.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, I would look upon the past;

For His love has been so gracious, it has won my heart at last.



Sitting at the feet of Jesus, where can mortal be more blest?

There I lay my sins and sorrows, and, when weary, find sweet rest.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, there I love to weep and pray;

While I from His fullness gather grace and comfort every day.



Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, as I sit low at Thy feet.

Oh, look down in love upon me. Let me see Thy face so sweet.

Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus. Keep me holy as He is.

May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.


Photo: Mama as a little girl in the 1920's with her Aunt Bernice's doggy, Rags.

I've realized two things recently. I know I 'm a little slow! I avoid driving home from work on the old highway. I always continue on past it, and take the new highway and then drive in from the east side of town to get to the house. I do that because if I take the old highway, I drive past the corner that leads to the nursing home Mama stayed in for the last few months before she left us. Most nights I would hurry home from the dairy and stop in to see how the rest of Mama's day had gone after I left her to go to work that morning. At first she would greet me with an impatient "Where have you been?" I would tell her about the dairy and whatever other news I could think of, and she was satisfied with that. As time went by, she pretty much forgot about her house, and adjusted to being at the nursing home. She was always glad to see me, even though she wasn't exactly sure who I was, and though she didn't have much to say, she seemed to enjoy my company. We'll never know in this lifetime what went on in her mind during those last months she was with us.

Now, when I drive by that corner, I just miss her and that time we had every day.

The other thing is, I miss Mama the most at night. When I come home after work now, it is to an empty house. Before she had to go into the nursing home, she and I lived together. It was nice to have her there waiting for me, and I was always much relieved to know she was OK. After a few minutes of visiting (Where have you been?) I would fix something to eat, and even though my sister Myrna had come earlier to fix her supper, Mama was always ready to eat a bite with me.

Those were special times, brought about by unique circumstances, and my how I miss them! I'm looking forward to seeing you again, Mama, and we'll have a good visit then!

I have been doing a little fixing up around the house. I always have to get past wanting to leave it the way it has always been, and thinking of all the hard work Mama and Daddy put into this little house. Then I realize it has been 20 or more years since anything at all has been done, and I can justify changing some things!

I have always wanted more light in the rooms, so I took out the old wall light in the dining room, and added a ceiling light. While I was at it, I added a plug-in for the wall by the couch. Doing all that wiring meant I had to take the wall down to the studs, so I had to put in new wall board. So I had to finish that off again, and I put a coat of primer on it until I am ready to paint the whole room. The other part of this current project is widening the doorway between the kitchen and dining room. That was a big messy job that involved taking out a heat run. I am close to finished with it now - just some minor details left. It is hard to believe what a difference it makes in both rooms to have that wall down! It is much more open and bright! I think Mama and Daddy would love it!

I've been thinking recently how a person's life seems to have a theme. When I was a little girl (a mighty long time ago!) I loved to draw. Actually, I loved to color and paint too - anything that produced a picture. I remember sitting for what seems like hours at the dining room table in the big old house, trying to draw something I had seen in a book or something in my mind. I had special things that I thought I drew well, like a horse's head and Woody Woodpecker! I used to draw paper dolls too, and then make clothes for them to wear!

I remember finding an ad in a newspaper or magazine with a drawing in it. You were supposed to draw it and send it in and you might win a scholarship to art school. Wow, was I excited! Of course, it was a gimmick this art school used to uncover possible candidates, and they responded with a brochure about their school and how much it cost, etc. I remember being disappointed that I didn't "win" and when I heard how much the school cost, I knew it wasn't in my future! I was still very young, and hadn't finished school yet. I wasn't ready for a career quite yet!

I remember one Christmas I was chosen to decorate one of the big windows downtown. I'm just guessing, but it was probably about 6 feet by 8 feet. As I recall, I had chosen a manger scene, and the medium was to be poster paint. I remember practicing until I could reproduce it perfectly. I was all uptight about it! When the day came, I did a really good job, but it was only about 1 foot square, and the rest of the window was empty! I was quite embarrassed about it! I don't recall now if I thought others were going to paint on the same window too, or if I just didn't notice how small my painting was!

I was never satisfied with my pictures - always finding fault with them, and trying to do them better the next time.

Then I grew up and got caught up into living, as one does, and now I really can't draw at all, because I just got out of the habit. If you don't use it, you lose it, you know. Now after raising children, and many years of unrelated jobs, and only a few years before I stop working and retire, I am back to my drawing. This time I am doing it with a computer, and all the pictures are perfect! But I am still not satisfied with the way they look! I will keep trying to do them better the next time!

Photo: Me at 8 years of age!

Happy Birthday Little Sister!

On your birthday, I thank God for you and for all the things that make you "Someone Special:"
You are special because God made you that way!
Psalm 139:13

You are special because God knows you. He looked through the corridors of time and saw you and knew you by name. You are always on His mind.
Psalms 139:17

You are special because God loves you. He has always loved you and holds you close to His heart.
Jeremiah 31:3

You are special and no one can take your place!
Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace" Numbers 6:24-26

I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ This Year

My sister got a Christmas card from the nursing home where Mama lived for the last 7 1/2 months she was with us. Enclosed was the following poem:

I see the countless Christmas trees

around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars

reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular!

Please wipe away that tear
for I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year .

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear,
but earthly music can't compare

with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you

the joy their voices bring,
for it's beyond description

to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me.

Trust God and have no fear.
For I'm spending Christmas

with Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of all the splendor

or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas

with our Savior face to face?

May god uplift your spirit

as I tell Him of your love.
Then pray for one another

as you lift your eyes above.

So let your hearts be joyful,

and let your spirits sing!
For I'm spending Christmas in heaven,

and I'm walking with the King!

Happy Birthday, Mama

Wish we could be there to give you
a birthday hug and remind you in person
how much we love you and what a
wonderful Mom you were...

Wish we could be there--
but we'll be with you in our hearts,
sending you love, and knowing
you will have a beautiful day!

Be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.
Rev. 2:10

Happy Birthday!

Through our years together

and our moments of laughter,

our tears of sadness,

and our joy and happiness --

I've always been glad that you're my sister!

Wishing You a Very Happy Birthday, Myrna!

Random Thoughts About Mama

Here follows a few scattered memories about Mama. They are scattered because that is how they come to me-bits and pieces as I go through my days. Mama has been gone over 7 months now, and there is not a day that goes by without missing her. It is better than at first: her passing was how I marked time. It was hours, then days since she died. Then I counted the weeks, and now the months. I will always remember it was on a Thursday. My sister Myrna and I were there with her when she left us. I will always count it a blessing to be there as she slipped away to heaven. It was hard to watch her last struggle, but wonderful to see the peace that came over her face when at last she was gone. I was sad that she had to go, but so excited for her because at last she could be with Jesus, and see Daddy again. She missed him so much!

I have come to understand in these months since she has gone that I am not just a solitary person, but a part of a larger whole- a family, a community, a universal church. She is now a member of that "great cloud of witnesses" we read about in Hebrews. I know now it is in being a part of things that we experience God's love, and how he chooses to make his love available to us. So I try to cherish the things I am a part of, and try not to take them for granted.

As fall slips into winter I have been preparing my little home for the cold days ahead. I feel a sense of responsibility to this little old house, because Mama loved it so much. She often would just pipe up out of the blue with "This is such a nice old house!" I tried for a short time to have her stay with me in my home at night when she could no longer be alone, but she just wasn't satisfied anywhere else. I remember one morning after kind of a trying night (some nights she didn't sleep much), after bathing and breakfast, we were hurrying over to her house from mine, because that was where she wanted to be. I was feeling a bit stressed. I had to make some dinner and get dishes washed up and then go to work.

Then over the car radio came a worship song, and we were on holy ground. I will never forget hearing Mama sing it in her little voice, mostly a whisper: "I love you, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you. Oh my soul, rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." I thought it so incredible that she would remember the words to that little song, when so many other things had gone from her memory. It was a precious moment!

I always feel a connection with Mama in the kitchen. She was always in the kitchen. She was a great cook, and enjoyed eating immensely. Whenever I peel potatoes or do any preserving she is right there with me!

My sons both talk about how she always saved all the toys that came in the cereal boxes, and they all knew where to find them - the middle drawer of the brown cupboard, waiting for the next time they came to visit. She also saved pretty stamps, etc that came in the junk mail because she knew the kids would enjoy them.

My sister Linda mentioned recently that she is just like Mama, because she needs a shopping cart to lean on when she goes shopping. We laughed when we recalled how Mama would just wheel up and down the store aisles like she was on a mission. She hated to give up shopping, when walking became a chore.

Yesterday we celebrated the first Thanksgiving since she has been gone, but I still kind of felt like she was there. We will always laugh about the way she would jump up and start washing dishes before we had hardly finished our last bite. She is a part of each one of us, and a dear memory we will always enjoy.

Photo: 1923 - Mama at 4 1/2 years of age.

More Cute Kids!

I am slow getting this posted, but last Saturday we had great fun at another birthday party. Samantha turned 2, and she got a lot of fun stuff! I sure enjoyed watching her!




Here is her big sister, Alaina, who is 3. She is a little princess:







They had a big time with cousin Rylan on the trampoline too.


It was nice weather, and a lovely time with family.

Awesome!

Rylan, my great-nephew, turned 7 Saturday, so yesterday we had to celebrate the occasion. Here he is with his new camouflage shirt. You can see by the little grin how excited he was! There's a lot of enthusiasm for outdoor sports in the family, and it is nice to think of the fun they can all have together hunting and fishing.

Our Pastor Jake said yesterday that the word "awesome" is over-used, and as a result has lost much of its meaning. But Jesus truly is "awesome!" When he said "Follow me" people dropped what they were doing and followed him. The touch of Jesus' hand healed many of their diseases, even commanding those who were lame to walk, and they did. Spirits obeyed his command to stop their torment, and even the wind and the sea became calm at his word.

If we allow him to, He can do awesome things in our lives today too. He can remove our doubts and calm our fears. Knowing him can bring new purpose and direction into our lives.
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Upstairs in my little storeroom, I have an old cardboard box. It is no longer square, and the bottom is slightly bowed. The edges are frayed. The outside of the box has been covered with wallpaper - white with small blue flowers and green stems and leaves. I have seen that box for years, never giving it a second thought.

Since Mama has gone on to be with Jesus, we have been going through her things. For the first time, I have heard the story of that box, and it fills me up inside!

My sister says she remembers when Mama covered that box. Blue was always her favorite color. Mama was expecting me or my younger sister, and covered that box with wallpaper to prepare it for the new baby's clothes and diapers.

That old box says so many things about Mama! She was looking forward to her new baby. She and Daddy may not have had a lot of money, but Mama did what she could to make our home nice. There may have already been other children in our home, but she was making room for one more. And there was room, too, in her heart.

photo: Mama and Daddy in front of the big old farm house we lived in when I was very young.