Random Thoughts About Mama

Here follows a few scattered memories about Mama. They are scattered because that is how they come to me-bits and pieces as I go through my days. Mama has been gone over 7 months now, and there is not a day that goes by without missing her. It is better than at first: her passing was how I marked time. It was hours, then days since she died. Then I counted the weeks, and now the months. I will always remember it was on a Thursday. My sister Myrna and I were there with her when she left us. I will always count it a blessing to be there as she slipped away to heaven. It was hard to watch her last struggle, but wonderful to see the peace that came over her face when at last she was gone. I was sad that she had to go, but so excited for her because at last she could be with Jesus, and see Daddy again. She missed him so much!

I have come to understand in these months since she has gone that I am not just a solitary person, but a part of a larger whole- a family, a community, a universal church. She is now a member of that "great cloud of witnesses" we read about in Hebrews. I know now it is in being a part of things that we experience God's love, and how he chooses to make his love available to us. So I try to cherish the things I am a part of, and try not to take them for granted.

As fall slips into winter I have been preparing my little home for the cold days ahead. I feel a sense of responsibility to this little old house, because Mama loved it so much. She often would just pipe up out of the blue with "This is such a nice old house!" I tried for a short time to have her stay with me in my home at night when she could no longer be alone, but she just wasn't satisfied anywhere else. I remember one morning after kind of a trying night (some nights she didn't sleep much), after bathing and breakfast, we were hurrying over to her house from mine, because that was where she wanted to be. I was feeling a bit stressed. I had to make some dinner and get dishes washed up and then go to work.

Then over the car radio came a worship song, and we were on holy ground. I will never forget hearing Mama sing it in her little voice, mostly a whisper: "I love you, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you. Oh my soul, rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear." I thought it so incredible that she would remember the words to that little song, when so many other things had gone from her memory. It was a precious moment!

I always feel a connection with Mama in the kitchen. She was always in the kitchen. She was a great cook, and enjoyed eating immensely. Whenever I peel potatoes or do any preserving she is right there with me!

My sons both talk about how she always saved all the toys that came in the cereal boxes, and they all knew where to find them - the middle drawer of the brown cupboard, waiting for the next time they came to visit. She also saved pretty stamps, etc that came in the junk mail because she knew the kids would enjoy them.

My sister Linda mentioned recently that she is just like Mama, because she needs a shopping cart to lean on when she goes shopping. We laughed when we recalled how Mama would just wheel up and down the store aisles like she was on a mission. She hated to give up shopping, when walking became a chore.

Yesterday we celebrated the first Thanksgiving since she has been gone, but I still kind of felt like she was there. We will always laugh about the way she would jump up and start washing dishes before we had hardly finished our last bite. She is a part of each one of us, and a dear memory we will always enjoy.

Photo: 1923 - Mama at 4 1/2 years of age.